Top Mistakes People make in Relationships with Others.

"It doesn't matter what kind of  couple you are there is always love 

and when there are any problems there are always better ways to solve them. - TheJuZShoW. 

Pic: https://www.tumblr.com/search/lesbian%20hold%20hands )

I recently broke up with my boyfriend, which ended in a civil way. It made me really think that most some people don’t really know how to treat a woman. Agree to disagree. But here are the things that men and people do in relationships which I strongly hate. Both men and women should read this. Then, I’ll go over the things that are better. Agree or disagree.

Wrong Communication

1. Don’t EVER tell us in any way that you can find anyone else you want. You may think it might make your parter feel like we are the only ones. But this is not the case! It actually question your commitment towards them and even worse shows that you are not committed enough at all!

What is better?

The best thing you can do is not say this at all during conflicts. How about you voice your emotions about the conflicts that arise in the relationship and tell us how something makes you feel. People can be very compassionate and can empathize with others and would be more likely to understand your concerns.

2. Don’t EVER Tell us we need to do something when it relates to our body images for Example: You need to go to the gym more or you need to do this or that. You might think that you are trying to help us. But this makesyour partner feel like that we are not good enough to be with you and just makes them feel extremely small and worthless.

What is better?

Here is a better approach. If you parter is trying to do something active be more supportive and tell them that they did well and how, maybe go into detail as to why your partner went well. This gives your partner a sense of empowerment and accomplishment. Compliments like this will get you somewhere and maybe into the bedroom if you are lucky!

Controling

1. Don’t EVER tell your partner to take action, listen and obey. What are we? Kids? You gotta be kidding me!

This shows a lot of controlling behavior and often shows that you are telling your partener off about the mistakes being made.

Telling your partner this is not making us learn our mistakes.

2. Don’t EVER spend 5 hours trying to talk your partner down. It doesn’t work and again it shows you are controlling. BIG TURN OFF!

What is better?

Again, voice your emotions IE Say “It makes me feel upset when you do this and I think it would be better if you did this or we did this”

Sometimes constructive criticism is not as harsh as criticism itself!

Wrong Action

1. Don’t EVER make excuses to why you can’t be with someone. Yes your patner may understand that you are busy. But it makes them feel kind of unwanted and like they are wasting your time waiting for you to come home.

What is better?

It would be nice if you made more time for us and integrated us into your busy schedule. Also getting home on the time you say are getting on time you say you are would be really helpful.

2. Don’t EVER show infidelity. If you do not show affection or tell your partner you love  them, etc. they will find out.

What is better?

Fess up as to why the relationship isn’t going well. Can we fix the relationshp? Be honest!

Show fidelity! Stay faithful!

Bad Temper

1. Nothing is more of a turn off when a partner looses their cool in front of you and angrily knocks things related to the problem out of the way and throws them around. So what if you can’t get your BBQ to work or we spill something on your favorite things IE a car or couch . It’s trivial. Get over it! Because of our empathy and compassion your partner can get quite anxious, upset and feed of the anger. No one likes seeing their partner like this.

What is better?

Try to stay cool and civil during conflict. If something happens to us consider your partner first rather than materialistic things first.

I am sure that all these things will raise a lot of other concerns in a relationship and can strike up one hell of a conversation. So talk it out. What else do you think a big no no in a relationship? Talk to your friends, your family and of course your partner/spouse. Make sure you get male and female perspectives and opinions. It’s one of the best ways to find a solution to many things! How are you going to handle it?

Technology is a catch 22.

Technology, Technology, Technology. Where do I start? Well we all know that things are going really fast and whilst it’s quite neat it can also be damaging to our economy.

The Upside:

Today’s day in age we all want our lives to be more easier. I remember when I was going for job interviews in a big city I’d have to print out a map and the job add so I know what I am going to say and a sheet that shows my journey planner with public transport just to stay organized. Everything I did ended up on paper. Now you got maps, public transport information and a notepad all in one device: Our Smartphones. I remember how sometimes it was easy to get a bit lost. But how much harder it was to find ways to physically get back home in the spur of the moment. I find it really handy and useful that now in terms of transport that this is possible and that it gives me the confidence to be able to go out to an area that I didn’t know with a pretty quick back up plan.

When I was growing up Smart Phones didn’t have a CPU like computers have. They were slow and our data usage limits were small and in the megabytes, maybe less. Now these big companies are trying to make it possible that our batteries last longer, that our devices run much faster and that they are more efficient. This is one of the other neat parts about it. It helps us do useful things faster like make emergency calls better.

The Downside:

Everywhere I look there is always someone using their smartphones and tablets. As soon as I get out of the movie theater the first thing everybody does is turn their phones on. It’s like it has become more important than the real things around them. I was watching the news one afternoon and they were showing a video of this man sitting on his boat. He was on his phone possibly on social media and whilst he was doing this a big giant whale comes up out of the water and dives back down next to his boat. The man was completely unaware of this ever happening and just kept on doing whatever he was doing on his phone. The problem with all this is that we are so distracted because we take these things for granted. I personally wouldn’t be on my phone at a time like that!

Just like everyone else I personally can’t keep up with the pace of technology. Every 3 months where is something new and that something new can cost in the big thousands. It makes me wonder if big companies also really care about making our lives easier or just want to make a profit or both.

The catch 22.

Then I see on an Australian news talk show this morning that they are trying to implement one of those automatic 24/7 kiosks. But this is a catch 22 too. You see you got people who give up their time to work night shift to do those sort of jobs and possibly get paid penalty rates after hours. You gotta hand it to them. Whilst this automated kiosk is useful in terms of keeping workers safe they are also taking the jobs of those workers. This is where our economy would fail.

Here in Australia we have self serve check outs at our supermarkets/stores. Handy for customer’s independence and the convenience of having those when no other check out person is open. But puts more workers out of their position as check out people. I like using the manned check outs because its nice to build rapport with the staff and it is more humane to help them stay in work. I don’t want our unemployment rate to go up as a result of this technology otherwise we’d have more and more poor people.

I am not sure how to conclude this because reasons why technology is good and bad keep on coming up. Technology is just endless now. You can’t just end it and with it it starts with what we might need and find useful. Some of us don’t need technology at all. I hope these big companies find a way to make technology and humans more adaptable together so that somehow they can co exist ad that everybody kind of wins. What do I know? I am just a civilian!

Break Ups: The Art of Being Lonely

I recently broke up with my boyfriend, whom I had loved for 13 months. Why? Because he wasn't spending enough time with me and has said some terrible things. Now I am learning how to cope with being lonely again.

You realize how strange it feels to be without the person you once loved. You miss the romance and the companionship you once had and can't help remember the good times and the bad times.
You realize how strange it feels to feel lonely. You are not used to doing what you want and try to find the right head space to go back to where you were. One thing I really miss are the cuddles. The rest is history.

Being lonely isn't always within your control. It's the course of nature within being human. It comes and goes. When it comes sometimes it stays for a long time. Loneliness can bring sadness. It can bring anxiety. But can teach you more about you as a person as much as any other emotion. Therefore it can also bring some kind of independence. There comes a time where you come to accept an emotion while it's there when you feel like you have no choice.

I thought I was being treated better in my previous relationship and thought I could give my EX boyfriend the benefit of the doubt.  Now I realize how I was really being treated without being blinded by love again. I loved this man so much and I still do. But reality has it that it would not have worked out if I moved in or even had his baby. It would of been great if I even got an apology from this person. But what difference would it make now?

I think that there are a lot of men that have no Idea how to treat women in relationships and think that what they say and do is the right thing. I will explain in one of my next blogs of the top mistakes people make in relationships.



 

Day in the life of a depressed and anxious person

I have depression. I have anxiety. When I have both it's a living hell.

On my good days I feel like I am in the middle of the road. Life is bearable and I just go about

my days as somewhat normal. Sometimes I am a little numb. Sometimes I try not to show emotion so I don't embarrass myself.

After this paragraph you will think I am crazy and this chick has problems. Well yeah, you think?! Those who  know me in person might run off because they don't want to be burden by my emotions and would just think they are better off without me.

But when I get anxious it is only because I don't want the worst to happen. I get butterflies in my stomach that make me nervous and it just becomes overwhelming because you can feel it building and building. The feeling is so intense that you don't want to feel anything at all. This is were it becomes unbearable and just comes over you as you don't know what to do. 

THEN the depression comes in. You feel bad for going crazy and feel like you don't want to be around anyone because you feel bad for going crazy and just try to stay out of everyone's way because you feel it is better this way. You then think you are better off not breathing as a result of your bad experiences

 That everything feels pointless. I generally feel like this for days before I can get back to that somewhat kind of normal.

But here is the killer. When BOTH happens you feel everything. You over think everything even the trivial problems and whilst this is happening more upsetting things come into your head. The crying never stops and you feel like nothing and no one can help you. The frustration sets in and you feel like you could do something you regret the next day.

I am always trying to do things to make myself a better person because I do not think I am a good person at all no matter what anyone else says. I can't just cope just by doing things anymore. This is an ongoing battle with no conclusion. I can only be strong for so long. I'm always going to need some kind of help. I have been taking medication and getting professional help. But it only takes the edge off. It's never going to go away. It is what it is.

Relationships: When you learn

I have learned a lot about myself in recent years. I have learned more about what I can and cannot tolerate, How to handle things better. And I often think about how I feel about certain things in my life and try to figure out how to deal with them emotionally in the future like I always have.

Even when you are in your early 20s you are still learning a lot about yourself and sometimes you don’t know it until you are a little bit older. You are still in some kind of party mode and somewhat a loof. But within some kind of direction in life inside your head. Sometimes you get into situations that you are not aware of or even sure of only because you don’t have enough knowledge of it.

When I was in my controlling relationship I could only see love. I was completely unaware of the consequence because I was so dangerously happy. I might be contradicting myself here. However, I never really got a chance to enjoy my 20s as much as I’d like to or even got a chance to really do what I wanted. But I was already quite independent. My life ended up being on hold because of this and having “Demon” ended up being my only coping skill. We generally learn from our results when it is too late and can often have repercussions. But sometimes it ends up being a good thing because it can help us protect ourselves better.

Now I am no psychologist and I am no expert. But there is such as a thing as being self overprotective and sometimes that is one of my weaknesses. I think this occurred after my relationship with Demon failed. I really don’t want to get hurt again in any way just like the rest of us and I want to prevent those same bad things from happening. I am now in a relationship where I am learning how to make more accept ions because it’s different. I am being treated in a much better manner and I know a lot more than what I used to. I am learning to still be able to take charge of my life without being emotionally dependent on this person. I’m also learning how to love unconditionally again. But still be careful and be smart about it. I am always learning about myself in things especially when it comes to loving relationships. I have burnt so many bridges because of problems with others, where my self protection kicks in. But now I feel ready to built more friendships . Out of this am willing to open myself up along this knowledge.

We are born to learn. It is within our nature to start life with not knowing anything. My Grandmother always said that you are never too old to learn because you spent your whole life continuing to gain knowledge about everything.

I have learned how to truly emotionally appreciate that it is a very valuable and great life experience especially if it is something you have felt wanted to learn for so long. You feel this with what you love to do. When you learn about yourself more with making these psychological accept tions and having more knowledge you can move on. I have been stuck in this place for years with this fear of getting emotionally hurt again that I had this possibility that I couldn’t move forward. I kind of see this now. Just by writing this blog I learn the true meaning of doing research and going in with an open mind. I can still have my guard up. But within moderation. Not only I know it. But I feel it.

Abusive relationships don't have to always be physically abusive!

WARNING: 

This blog post is really emotional and may contain content that may offend some readers.

 

We have all been abused at some point of our lives and it can be really sad if you don't know different types of or only one type of abuse. I will tell you what it means to go through it. I was in a very emotionally abusive relationship and it had lead me into some kind of psychosis.
Here's my story.

When I was 22 I was living with my father. We were going through a tough time because he wanted me to try and move out and make my own way.  But it was hard because of my money situation. It was bad enough that I use my friends as a escape goat to stay away from my father. But out of it all my dad was a good father.
During this time I was on a dating website and used to hang out on their chatroom. I was feeling a bit lonely and usually would just spend a fair bit of time on my computer talking to people and web-searching thing I was interested in after I'd do my Job-search. I then met this guy who went by the nickname "Demon" and started a cam chat.

We hit it off really well. I found out he was in a metal band and was a graphic designer. He found out I sing. We had a lot in common. Our cam chats turned into really long phone calls and I started to really like him.  We eventually met and went out to dinner.
The relationship got really serious really quickly when my relationship with my father at the time got worse. I had a death in the family with the passing of my cat (Don't laugh!) and my mother couldn't believe the things that my father was saying to me. "Demon" was also temporarily living with his mum until he found a stable home himself.
About 3-4 months into the relationship we decided to move in together. I was so overly happy! I felt liberated and free. I started applying for even more jobs and attending more job interviews. I didn't stuff around. I was quite independent and not worried about anything. I felt positive and the momentum just kept going.
We then moved into a bigger place. a wonderful two story townhouse. It was better than our upstairs apartment. We were really happy and were able to to be fully settled within a few days.

But here was the reality
We used to fight a fair bit, which was really hard. He seemed quite set in his ways about everything even everything in our relationship. He'd get angry at me when I wasn't proactive or doing something wrong, complaining that the house was a mess and say really absurd things about me not "listening taking action and obeying", which were his exact words. Every time we had a fight he'd emotionally hold me down and give me a 5 hour lecture about how much I  am in the wrong. these lectures  would happen early at night til really early in the morning, when we are supposed to work the next day. I never ever got a say in any of our arguments and no matter what a said all he could ever say is "Are you finished yet". I would always feel like I am on trial for murder or something like that.
When we would have sex we would be halfway through and sometimes when I am halfway through I loose my libido so I would just say no. But Demon would just keep going and say "hold on I'm nearly finished"
 In the car he was a very angry person, he would growl and cuss at the driver in front of him to get them to move. He would make racist remarks about Asians and how rude they are.
There was also a time when he called me into his study so we could talk. He mentioned about the possibility of me getting breast implants. But he made the condition that if we ever broke up I would have to find a way to pay for them. I couldn't believe that he was mentioning it in the first place seeing as I have enough body insecurities already. But I went along with it and looked at possible surgeries with him anyway.
But I thought that this was somewhat normal and just carried on feeling guilty.

The End of the relationship 
So I'd be about to get into my hobbies again seeing as Demon was busy doing things on his computer. He walks up the stairs to the bedroom and says "I don't think we are going very well" .
He had so many excuses like I had four jobs since being with him, that I became his dependent. I was so overcome with emotion that all I could do was turn to my mother, who knew everything that was going on.
Three days after staying with her and the days after my Birthday I decide to come back to talk to Demon to decide what I want to do. But as soon as he got home he was talking to another woman on the phone. I was even more upset. Just when he makes a new wound he makes another new wound. double whammy. we had another fight. Before I realize it I came back to get my stuff, have it put in storage.

The big aftermath
This was when I was struggling emotionally. I had no one else but my family to turn to and lost all my coping skills. I went from being like a controlled housewife to being back in limbo. This was when I tried to kill myself.
But my life wasn't over yet. I knew in that moment that I needed help. Alot of help. I was in the psychiatric unit the next day and unable to even get out of bed. They medicated me until they found a caseworker for me. During that time I was missing Demon terribly. It seemed he was doing better than me. Three weeks later I got out and stayed at mum's longer. I started to get help.
During the time I was recovering I had found my own place, started studying again, started learning to drive and going out to the pub to help with my social life.

Reflection
When I was badly treated by Demon I thought that this was somewhat normal and just carried on feeling guilty and not really sure of how to handle it all. He manipulated me and controlled me for 18 months. He was in denial of it all and just didn't see it. I used to fall in a state of absolute panic every time something upset me, it was like it was the end of the world. I was so blindly in love with this person that I didn't see what the relationship was doing to me. In the past I had thought that if the person hadn't physically hurt me then I wouldn't be considered being an abusive relationship. I am a lot stronger now and have learned so much about what I can and cannot tolerate. It took me a long time before I could gain my own control of myself and my own life. I am 32 years old now and despite my anxiety and depression I am doing OK.

The Latest:
Demon tried to contact me again via Facebook. He said "It's been a while, message me sometime". I wasn't too happy about it. 7 years later? WTF! Then he came up with the story that one of his friends thought it would be funny to send me a message. But we all know that was bullshit. I did reply to the first message saying "Are you fucking kidding me"
I also found a message sent by Demon via MySpace from Last December. I only checked it now because these days I am not on it so much. He told the story that in those past two days he'd get a missed call from my number and wanted to check to see it was me. But we all know that was bullshit too. I replied and said "There is no way we are ever going to chat again so I suggest you stop contacting me or I will take legal action. I don't fucking need you in my life" .

What shall I say to this piece of work that belongs in my fuckwhit list?
Well I got a lot to say. But I won't say it to him because I know he will never ever listen to my thoughts and feelings after the way he treated me. It'd be a waste of breath and a waste of time and space. It is karma's job now. I am in full control my own life.

My Radio DJ Experience

(Pictures: Top: My radio station logo. Bottom: my mini studio)

Back in 2012  I had listened to other radio stations in the past and never thought that starting your own radio server on the internet would be possible or even somewhat easier with the technology we have today. I got inspired and then started my own radio station called J.U.Z.Z Radio to share my musical tastes.

At 12pm AEST every fortnight on a Tuesday (Australia time) I give up my workday just to play music to those who are interested and take requests for those who want their tunes heard.  I sit there for 7 hours lining up and playing songs from the 80s, 90s, alternative, metal, electronic genres and unsigned bands/artists and chat to people online when I could be earning another 50 odd bucks at my day job.

The reality                                             
Whilst being an internet radio DJ and an owner of a radio station was fun it was also very hard to get people to tune in especially if you had bands who didn't care about getting airplay or anyone you know of available to tune in at the time of your broadcasts. But these past few years I just did what I could.  What I do is very minuscule. I'd share all my radio links to other users in IMVU and Facebook to try and get some ratings. I don't do enough to get myself out there and simply because I don't know how. But sometimes I am OK with this because no money goes into the radio station and it's really just a hobby that gives me a bit of experience.  I just do the best I can.
 I also have had other DJ's and other radio hosts turn up to do their broadcasts and sometimes that is really hard. Not everyone is reliable enough to tell you when they can or can not Broadcast. So you can't guanatee and they can't guarantee that they will give your station consistent shows. What is hard too is that despite all your efforts you cant guarantee that the music you are playing is what people are really into. I can't figure out why bands don't seem to care very much about internet radio. As a musician I would KILL for radio airplay of any kind!
Then you got other technologies getting in the way of your radio ratings. Look at Pandora and Spotify, where all of the stations there just start on the first song in their playlists when a user connects! In a listener's eyes what have you got to loose, why would you want internet radio when there  are more and more options and listening flexibility elsewhere. No little radio station could keep up with that!

Uncertain Future
I have been doing this radio thing for nearly 4 years (roughly) and I am getting really tired. My boss at work doesn't listen to me when I can't come into work on the days I DJ and just rosters me on anyway. I don't get much emotional support from my family (Except for my mum and my stepdad) or much of my friends outside of the internet and feel like I need a reason to keep doing this. I have had my moments where I just want to quit. It's the listeners that really keep this going. But its the bands/solo artists and listeners that are the first to stop caring. I feel like there is an uncertain future here. It'd be a real plus to make something of this and earn more money. But It is also really difficult if even you yourself can't make your own shows because of life and technical difficulties. I know that can't do this forever because a radio station isn't a radio station without it's listeners.