Relationships: When you learn

I have learned a lot about myself in recent years. I have learned more about what I can and cannot tolerate, How to handle things better. And I often think about how I feel about certain things in my life and try to figure out how to deal with them emotionally in the future like I always have.

Even when you are in your early 20s you are still learning a lot about yourself and sometimes you don’t know it until you are a little bit older. You are still in some kind of party mode and somewhat a loof. But within some kind of direction in life inside your head. Sometimes you get into situations that you are not aware of or even sure of only because you don’t have enough knowledge of it.

When I was in my controlling relationship I could only see love. I was completely unaware of the consequence because I was so dangerously happy. I might be contradicting myself here. However, I never really got a chance to enjoy my 20s as much as I’d like to or even got a chance to really do what I wanted. But I was already quite independent. My life ended up being on hold because of this and having “Demon” ended up being my only coping skill. We generally learn from our results when it is too late and can often have repercussions. But sometimes it ends up being a good thing because it can help us protect ourselves better.

Now I am no psychologist and I am no expert. But there is such as a thing as being self overprotective and sometimes that is one of my weaknesses. I think this occurred after my relationship with Demon failed. I really don’t want to get hurt again in any way just like the rest of us and I want to prevent those same bad things from happening. I am now in a relationship where I am learning how to make more accept ions because it’s different. I am being treated in a much better manner and I know a lot more than what I used to. I am learning to still be able to take charge of my life without being emotionally dependent on this person. I’m also learning how to love unconditionally again. But still be careful and be smart about it. I am always learning about myself in things especially when it comes to loving relationships. I have burnt so many bridges because of problems with others, where my self protection kicks in. But now I feel ready to built more friendships . Out of this am willing to open myself up along this knowledge.

We are born to learn. It is within our nature to start life with not knowing anything. My Grandmother always said that you are never too old to learn because you spent your whole life continuing to gain knowledge about everything.

I have learned how to truly emotionally appreciate that it is a very valuable and great life experience especially if it is something you have felt wanted to learn for so long. You feel this with what you love to do. When you learn about yourself more with making these psychological accept tions and having more knowledge you can move on. I have been stuck in this place for years with this fear of getting emotionally hurt again that I had this possibility that I couldn’t move forward. I kind of see this now. Just by writing this blog I learn the true meaning of doing research and going in with an open mind. I can still have my guard up. But within moderation. Not only I know it. But I feel it.