My Kind of Limbo

Limbo

Noun 
An uncertain period of awaiting a decision or resolution; an intermediate state or condition.
(http://www.google.com) 

Everyone has their own definition of something. It just doesn't come from a dictionary. My definition of this is similar, Feeling lost and not being sure of what direction you want to take in life. It is also a feeling we all know and it brings anxiety to those who want a solution to something sooner. 

My current situation:

I have been in this feeling for a long time. I live in small country town where there isn't a lot of opportunity. I have a big house all to myself, which I do not own. I have a job that doesn't give me many shifts or makes me enough money and I am on Centerlink payments (Equivalent to government/welfare benefits). I have a limited social life,  so limited it is enough to make you feel alone when you don't want to be. I am at a stage in my life that I have lived in all this for so long that I realize that it is time to go.   

But where?  At least I have options.. But I admit it. I am a little afraid. Afraid of not getting by financially has been my biggest fear, fear of not getting work sooner in a new location. Then I also realize how long I'd last. I had been so comfortable for so long I feel stuck. It was another feeling I got used to. But now I want to get out of this town and it's like I have unwillingly emotionally trapped myself in my own house.  

Now I am staying for two weeks in another location with my boyfriend to see what this lifestyle feels like. I have been applying for jobs here everyday and have been easily been able to balance this with my music, getting fit at the gym and doing other hobbies.  At least I am doing something to stay sane whilst he is at work. The good thing is that I tend to feel happier in this location. My negative anxiety turns into a positive and things just seem bearable.

Being in limbo is such a funny feeling. But it has become a feeling I don't like and I know I am not alone there. It is amazing how I haven't even tried relocating yet and I'm already feeling like this. It's a weird feeling. like a feeling you have when there is nothing else to feel.This is the part I hate about being human. It would be great if we could have more control of how we feel.  That limbo feeling can be caused by life in general and making those serious life decisions that we all find daunting. You want to make  the change. But somehow you are fearful of the sacrifices you have to make. you are also somewhat fearful of the process of change. Being in Limbo is a very confining feeling. The kind of feeling that can put you into two minds about anything.

Now I question myself how do I get out of this feeling of entrapment? How do I bypass this slight fear of sacrifice? Do I think about what  I gain more IE More pros than cons? Can I do this?   

Then I question: Will I be able to get by financially? Will my relationship work out with my boyfriend? Will I ever find a back-up plan that could work for me? Will my next big move ever happen? What is the worst thing that could happen?
Well I guess only time will tell and I know that only I can get inspired to find my own solution. I have trouble taking advice from people and I don't know why.  I do listen to what others recommend and how they see different situations etc and it does help put some things into perspective. I do get some kind of help and support from family and a psychologist. But when it comes to my friends I just find it hard to confide in them. You can't rely on everybody. I guess that I gotta find a way to push myself no matter how hard this limbo feeling really is. I am hopeful that I can somehow get out of this.